Stuff and stuff and your mom and stuff

Quick entry

2006-01-13T02:10:52Z

I make curry at an Indian restaurant.

I'm working on a rock and roll childrens musical with really retarded post rock music. Tentatively titled "Fozzy SchnOzbourne"

That's about it for now.

Whore's. All of ya'

MTpunk.com

2005-10-12T01:47:27Z

A good sight for all local Montana bands. Been spending a lot of time there. I guess we're going to play a show on the 5th with the temp drummer. This should be fun. Us, The Psycho Punk Chicks, andsome other group I haven't heard. The Psycho Punk Chicks rock, though. They're like this 40-ish guy and his pregnant daughter. They do really low- talent, hard-core rock. Funny as HELL!!! "SO I just fucking Kicked her in the face!....YEAH!!!" great stuff.

Strange days

2005-10-11T22:58:55Z

So... Been a while. Let's see. What's happened snce the last time I wrote.

Band info: So, the first album came out. It was called "Lie down on the floor and remain calm". Called such after a Dillinger quote. We were all reading the illuminatis trilogy at the time, and this seemed to fit. After this, and some relationship issues all around, we decided to move to Missoula. Our second album of all new material was being recorded here. This album is finished now, although the final mixes have yet to be done. It's called "The Donkey Show" and the sound quality is better since it was done track by track stylee. Then out of the blue, our drummer and very good friend decides he's moving to Maine. This definetely put a kink in our plans of global domination, but we have a temporary drummer now.

Relationship stuff: So Mikki and I had gotten a nice lil' place and got all settled in. Then, after a couple of months, she starts fucking this 34 year old, nu-metal loving, peirced and tattooed midget. I shit you not. A fucking midget. Needless to say this was the end of our relationship and I moved to Missoula. For a couple of months Mikki remained fixated on me. She wanted me back, but she didn't want to stop seeing the midget. I don't know. He was rich and could afford to give her all the things I couldn't. However, last August, I started seeing this fucking gorgeous young black girl. That was intense. Unfotunately it was also short. We're separated now, and I'm back on the meat market.

Other stuff: I ran into Robert a couple of moths ago. If anyone from Vancouver remembers this guy he was the man who's stuff I sold for practically nothing when I was 18. Water under the bridge. He's going to school here now and one of my better friends. I've also become a proffessional line cook, and I'm supposed to start this week at the Olde European Cafe here in Missoula. Missoula's a good town. I like it here. A lot of fucking music. Umm... I'm drinking Everclear as I write this and it's not helping my train of thought any. I really miss everyone in Vancouver. I wrote a song about Mandy, oh and a song about John. There both pretty popular.In fact a lot of the music I've written is connected to VAncouver. It was a turbulent time, and I was a turbulent person.

I'd really like to hear from everyone. I suppose that's why I'm writing. I have some great calling cards, and if you leave me your number on here, I will call you back. Bye all you Journal Junkies

Stuff

2004-08-23T21:34:29Z

So I have't ee o here for a while... Umm... I live with my girlfried Michal. I'm sorry the some of these keys do't work. acdefghijklmopqrstuvwxyz. I'm goig to try a d e i Vacouver for my 21st o octoer 8th with mikki. I've got to get off to practice . We've got this idepedet record comig out and we're having a concert for it this weekend. It's taken forever to get it done. Ok, later.

Got some smoke with Cricket

2004-05-16T07:04:56Z

Hanging out at my Mom's house, listening to Blind Melon. Soup fucking rocks! One of the best albums ever! I burnt a bunch of Jim's cd's. I like house-sitting, Toke a bowl in the living room. I feel like a homeowner. Oh, here's what I've added to my collection as of today.

1) Cake "Comfort Eagle"
2) Beck "C change"
3) Beck "Odelay"
4) Stone Temple Pilots "12 Gracious Melodies"
5) Blind Melon "Blind Melon"
6) George Carlin "Parental Advisory Explicit Lyrics"
7) The Cure "Bloodflowers"
8) Live "Throwing Copper"
9) Nine Inch Nails "Downward Spiral"
10) Red Hot Chilli Peppers "BloodSugarSexMagic"
11) Blind Melon "Soup"
12) Radiohead "Ok Computer"
13) Failure "Fantastic Planet"
14) Lou Reed "Transformer"

The best thing about Mom's new fiance is he has Excellent taste in music. Really really good taste.

Monkey love bitches. Everyone dies, you will too. Have fun while you can.

These are people who died.

2004-05-16T02:09:50Z

Randy: Although, always a dick, I never wanted the old alchoholic cocksucker to die. I just wanted him to...not be living anymore. My downstairs roommate for about 8 months, Randy died last Sunday of a heart complication, or something along those lines. He was 58. The worst part about this death is that we didn't find him till Tuesday, so we were all sleeping with a dead body in the house for like 2 days. I did however inherit his Taquitos and his beer, so that's a plus I guess.

Kayla: This is the sad one. She died Friday night when a drunk driver drove her off the road and into an electric pole. Kayla was an amazing girl, and loved by all. Always ready with a bowl, Kayla could make any shitty day better. I remember longboarding through woodland park with her. Playing Folf up at Lone pine. She was always the first one to start thrashing her little ass off at our shows. She was everyones little sister... She will be missed...

Alright, For awhile now I've been wanting to post The lyrics to Penny Dreadfuls songs I wrote. I walked the 5 miles down to my Mom's house, she went up to the Mountains with her new fiance, Jim Fenn, but she left the door unlocked in case I wanted to come and raid her fridge. Which I did. Quite liberally. Anyways, while I'm here and have the time, here they are, my "Penny" songs:

"Morning Pills." This is a song about Vancouver. Probably the only kinda of happy sounding song on our list:

"Comic books are packed
Morning pills and a duffel bag
Street light's the way
Animals are telling me to.

Stay here
Here's looking at you
Wait here
I have never been too tall

Bags of crusty bread
Hash oil and camphyr menthol stench
Voices on tv
The animals are telling me to

Stay here
Here's looking at you
Wait here
I have never been too tall

Dugout, my bed
Cop has come to kick my ass
Gas stations at 5am
Animals are telling me to

Stay here
Here's looking at you
Wait here
I ain't ever been too tall"

"Moneys all we need" a take on consumerism and the politics of religion:

"Hey kid sell your soul for cocaine
Hey kid sell your soul
Smoke your minds out while you can
Lsd might help us

Forget about sleep
But you sleep

Hey kid sell your soul
Hey kid sell your soul
Smoke some weed and shoot your friends
Mdma might help us

Forget about sleep
But you sleep
And the money is all gone
Trade my soul for a new one
Sold it for weed and methadone
If there's a god hope he can take a joke

Hey kid sell your soul COME ON YOU LITTLE MOTHERFUCKER
Hey kid sell your soul GIMMEGIMMEGIMME
THE ASS SHAKING GIRL ON MY TV
SHE SOLD HER SOUL JUST TO RIDE ALONG

And the money is all gone
Trade my soul for a new one
Sold it for weed and methadone
If there's a god hope he can take a joke"

"Shoot the Kids" this is about a horror story I wrote:
"Hear about Bill McCreedy? Listen what he did. Caught in the mens room with all them little kids.

Yeah I remember Sally with her sudden case of SID's. 17 years later, no more Sally's kids.

It's a beautiful day to shoot the kids.
Oh it's a perfect day to shoot the kids.

29's the number of what them 2 hooligans did. 17 years later, all these fucking kids. Yeah I remember Sally, with her sudden case of SID's. and only 7 years later, what ole' Bill did.

It's a perfect day to shoot the kids.
Yeah it's a beautiful day to shoot the kids

Now I lay me down
PRAY THE LORD
and if I die
IF I DIE

POW POW POW"

"Mr Jim" A song about the universe set to a reggae/punk beat:
"The fundamental problem with mathematics is there inability to prove the existence of the present. There's no accurate way to calculate the finite. Two line crossing just once will intersect at multiple points

Which is why it bring me great honor to introduce our new 5 gallon jug. Holding six time more than our leading competition. Six times!

I'm impressed by your lips, hips, and point of view. Huh! Huh!

The only accurate record of the vents that have taken place in your own past sequentially is your own memory, So it's safe to say. Whatever you choose to remember is real

Although western culture has greatly abolished belief in the power of belief, don't be fooled! Subject creates object. Subject creates.

It's getting dark out my lovely, come in from the cold. What's that you said my love? I can't hear you speak louder.LOUDER!

There's Mr. Jim Walking proud like a lion. and he SCREAMS in a voice like the wind. Leaving a trail of dead enemy's behind him, bloody are the battles of Jim.

butyes we will all SAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAIL away on a multi-colored prescription cloud. OHH Can't you feel it!?! OHH can't you see it!?! coming to take us into the arms of a new and improved model of tomorrow."

"Cheap" This is as close as I've ever come to writing a valid love song:
"Miss Heinzel
2nd grade teacher
17 year old tweaker at a bathouse in the woods.
Would that your ice box hold deeper emotions
Were all so frigid upon entering

Hallelujah
The boys all sang Hallelujah
Praise sister Mandy and her open openings.
If you were looking for love you're in the right place.
We have all kinds and it's all for free.

14 SAID 14 BUT SHE WORKS THAT SHIT!

Ohh oh-oh
Ohh oh-oh
So this is it then?!?
Our entertainment?!?
Your shitty music?!?
Our night?!?

Yeah we get wasted!
We get stoned!
Sleep till 2, try to hide SHE SHE

She crawls back to me.
craaaawls back to me
Sins of our youth will pay off in installments.
Being cheap was never free.

Hallelujah"

Bye journal Junkies.

The Penny Dreadfuls

2004-05-09T23:18:05Z

Alright, for those of you in Montana, this is the concert schedule for next month. For those of you in Vancouver who are unaware, The Penny Dreadfuls is the band of three that I'm a part of. We've been very busy in our plans of kicking much ass and world domination. We're actually supposed to be playing in Portland sometime soon here with this indie group called bridgebuilder. I'll post when that happens, if it does. We're still our own management, so we tend to fuck things up.

But as I was saying,(mothers day bowl clouding up my headmeats) here's the shows so far this month:

May 11: "Crazy mullet and Momma Alice's Fashion Show" Missoula, 9th st. Bistro. I still don't know if this is invitation only. Show starts at 10 pm with the stunning opening up.

May 16: Lasalle Grange, Columbia Falls. Umm...This show is gonna suck. Most of the bands there are these poppy high school punk bands that lick dick. Like Nonbucket.:::shudder:::
We'll rock though, so come late like when we start. Show starts at 9pm, we'll be on stage around 12.

May 21st: Another Grange show, Columbia Falls. This one will be good. Bridgebuilder, The Flip Wilsons, and The Stunning are all gonna be here. Also some other groups too cool too mention. Show Starts at 10pm

Umm... May something: Somewhere in Billings, Yeah this one just came up. I don't have the details yet, But yet again, Bridgebuilder invited us to do something over there somewhere. We were all too drunk too remember, but as soon as we get back in touch with the Dave's I'll post the details.

Bye Journal Junkies

Whooo... and stuff

2004-02-29T05:15:58Z

Last nights grange show kicked ass. By the end of it everyone was fucking going. Somedude called me a bass god, and my head has exploded since that. But it was really fucking good, and we got about 200 kids there. Made our money back.

Umm...Stuff.

Levi's headbanging (hahaha) to Meshuggah. Dicks talking about shoving stuff in asses. High is a good place.

Bye.

Not a lot of time

2004-02-08T01:05:18Z

I bught my ticket yesterday. Had to drive to Whitefish, full of yuppie-snowboarding-scum. I leave on the night of the 18th, I'll arrive at the vancouver train station around 7 am of the 19th, I'll leave back for monatna on the evening of the 21st and back in whitefish around 7am of the 22nd.

Gotta go.

I yam what I bee.

2003-12-29T21:06:20Z

Shit's shit. Always the same shit. Life sucks...Blah...Darkness... The bluueee...and stuff.

Ok, Know that I've tossed in my "If you're full of angst and you know it clap your hands" moment, I can speak.

I'm good...How are you? And all that other greeting shit.

I now work as a closing manager at Taco Bell. I make Tacos till 2 am. That sucks. But I make a lot of money, so there's an upside. I moved from Slacker to Yak, as a vocalist and bass player. We've been working on buying equipment. We've just finished buying a drumset, but it has no snare or cymbals. I spend most days with the other people of the band. Smoke a lot of mary with Joe and Eric, do a lot of shrooms with Levi in his scary opium den/basement. I've been learning how to snowboard, and I've been making the ultimate stoner-snowboard indy movie with a cook named cody and a rich dick named Dick.

My friend Cricket (who's house I'm at now) wrote a book called Manzikert. You can find it at Amazon.com, or in a local Montana Bookstore. We just got high and were busting up at how he's only sold three copies of his new novel. If your into Borroughs or Thompson you might enjoy it. Ok, that's crickets plug. He's happy now.

Aside from that, I've shaved my head except for two horns I died pink and put up with ice. Wicked Horrifying. I got a new tattoo for christmas, and I've been saving up some cash in a personal account. When I have enough to afford it (probably in mid February) eric and and I are taking a trip to find my bass and Jon. You will not see us. You will not know when we arrive. My foot hurts. I won't be leaving anyone out though. I will see everyone and probably be in townfor about a week.

That's it.

fuck your mom.

Good news

2003-08-16T20:56:12Z

I might be able to get the job at the payday advance office after all. I go in on Monday to talk to them about it. I also have an interview on Monday with Video Library. I want to work there. I love Video store jobs.

Stuff...

2003-08-15T06:30:33Z

Just read the interesting titles.

BACK IN VANCOUVER: For my birthday. I'll have a round trip ticket for a couple of days in scenic Vancouver! YAY!!!!!! If anyone can get in touch with Jon, I wanted to see if he wanted to take me for a couple of days. I hope to see everyone. I hope to not have to rent a hotel room. But I don't FUCKING CARE!! I'll get a break from this Redneck hell!! I hate the atmosphere of bigotry and oppression in this state. I've never been able to fully be myself in these conditions.

UNEMPLOYMENT: My new job at the payday advance place fell through. I borrowed G-zoo's car and it broke down on me at a stoplight next to an Albertsons. I had to push it backwards into the paring lot. Then I had to fill soda cups with gas. By the time I had everything running, I had missed my interview and they told me they went with someone else. I've been running around town all week looking for work. I have a few prospects lined up. Nothing great. I also stopped by an employment office and dropped of my resume with them.

NO ONE SEEMS TO CHANGE: I don't think anyone ever changes that significantly in the 'couve. same problems. Same conflicts. Same wall we all seem to be bumping our heads against the same walls over and over again. We'll neve be happy enough will we? We'll always see the cup half empty of the most disgusting water we've ever had the displeasure of drinking. Just an observation, but don't all these journal entries start to look alike after a while. I love the 'couve and all of it's inhabitants, but we've got to step back from our walls, try to see past ourselves without all our biases, and find new direction.

SHOW TOMORROW: YAY!!!! I wrote this new song. No one liked it... I liked it...whores...

JHONEN VASQUEZ: I ordered all of his collected works, and I started recieving them today. YAY!!! This is good, since I was down to just having issue 2 of I feel sick. Next I'm going after Dirge.

SOLD MY SOUL TONIGHT: for a line of oxy and a grav hit. Wrote a contract out and everything. YAY!!!!
b

MC CHRIS: everyone needs to download some Mc chris. Get one of these four songs to start out with: Robotussin, Fetts Vette, DQ Blizzard, or White Kids Love Hip-Hop. This guy is fucking great. I can't stop listening to him. I don't know why. I think it's his voice.

That's all.

Bye Journal Junkies.
Smalls, the diseased monkey

EXCITEMENT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2003-08-08T10:47:51Z

Newest line-up of "Filthy Dirt Children" performing tomorrow!
God, I haven't performed in...a really long time. And never my own shit! We're playing at the grange on highway 2 outside of Kalispell. We're opening for this local bubblegum punk group(blah) called Twitch. There's so many crappy punk groups in this town that there's a show out there every weekend. We're using another groups (crappy punk-Kelvin) equipment. We're too poor too have much of anything yet. So we'll borrow from rich kid posers. YAY!!! The current line-up is

Joe Lacroix: drums
Josh Willis: guitar/backing vocals
Dick: bass
Duane Roeder: guitar/vocals

I'm so fucking excited! I'll probably puke! YAY!!! Vomit!

Song list being performed follows:

1)Add it up: Great Violent Femmes song. So fun to play.
2)Stay: Duane original. We don't really have any names, so we just call the songs by the first word of the chorus. We'll figure something out later. This song has a really cool guitar riff that runs throughout the verses. I love it. It's so catchy. Gets stuck in your head.
3)Love song: original. Me mocking Josh. Friends are fun!
4)Backwater: Awesome meat puppets song
5)Fuck-up: original. Date-rape song I wrote about an old friend of mine.
6)Needles: One of Josh's. Very folk-rock.
7)Where is my mind: A really cool song by the Pixies.
8)Sell your soul: original. I love the lyrics in this one. I hope someday I'm big enough to have Christian protesters because of this song. That's just a lil' dream of mine.

God this is gonna be fun! We're on stage at 8pm. I hope I don't fuck up. I hope no one else fucks up. I hope I don't puke. I hope someone starts a mosh pit and someone else gets really badly injured and someone stage dives and I don't puke. Oh I also got a tattoo of a Z? in a little box on my left arm.

I wanted to wear makeup, but everyone took a vote and said I couldn't. Bastards.

I'm going to post some lyrics now, just so I have them somewhere. Read them if you want. or just skip it.

Fuck up
"Nice to meet you
Please come in.
We could've worked this out.
We could've but you...
But you had to be a fuck up 2x
but you had to be a pill.
Drink is on the mantle
Special pill flavor.
Show you to the bedroom
Make yourself comfortable
We could've worked this out.
We could've but you...
But you had to be a fuck up
But you had to fuck up
But you'll have a pill.
Good morning sunshine
Get out.
We could've worked this out
We could've but you..."

Sell your soul
"Hey kids, sell your souls for cocaine.
Hey kids sell your souls it's ok.
Smoke your minds out while you can.
Do some crank and we'll
Forget about sleep.4x
Hey kids sell your souls for punk rock
Hey kids sell your souls for more cock
Shoot your friends and smoke some weed.
Mdma will help us
Forget about sleep4x
Hey kids sell your souls. comeonyoulittlemotherfuckers
Hey kids sell your souls. gimmegimmegimme
The ass shaking girl on my tv
She sold her soul just to ride along. She'll
Forget about sleep. 4x"

Cut ( for my old family in vancouver. A lil' campy, but the music makes it sound really pretty and meaningful. I've been playing it while I'm typing.)
"In the past I use to hold on. I let go again.
In the past I use to belong. I moved on again.
By the way, How you getting on? I heard you moved again.
If the past doesn't move on, we'll have to cut again.

So if you ask, I'm alright. I'm stoned again.
And if you ask, I just might try to hold again.
By the way, How's she getting on? I heard she moved again.
If the past doesn't move on, we'll have to cut again.

Love kills, and hate breeds love. I find myself again.
If love feels like giving up, I won't feel again.
By the way how you getting on? I heard you're fucked again.
If the past doesn't move on, we'll have to cut again."

Right. That's all. I'm going to go practice, drink some everclear, practice, throwup, and go to sleep. I'll write about how it went tomorrow or saturday. Wish me luck!

Bye Journal Junkies.

New stuff as of today...

2003-07-26T10:46:38Z

Tacked a third verse onto that other one. Feels more rounded out now. This is my creepy love song that G-zoo says I should call "In the Butt". I'm running with that title for now. Naming shit sucks.

"I would love to make you fall.
I would love to Bring you down.
Gee, I love to make you cry.
Gee, I love you. Don't ask me.

I'm just fine
I'm just fine
I'm just fine
Where's your mind at?

You're so precious when you bleed.
You're so special on your knees.
Gee, I'd love to make you fall.
Gee, I love you. Don't ask me.

I'm just fine
Where's your mind at?"

I've been playing these two new things over and over again all day, and no ones asked me to stop. They just ask me to keep playing. No ones gotten sick of these yet. I'm feeling really inspired. And my fingers hurt like hell.

Bye Journal Junkies.

Somone told me that the past is lost...

2003-07-18T08:21:20Z

And the only way forward is through bullets. Bullets made of babies. BABIES!!!!.

Cricket: I have a book for you.
Jessica: What is it?
Cricket: A modest proposal.
Jess: Who's it by.
Cricket: (I forgot what he said)
Jess: What's it about?
Cricket: Eating BAbies! BABIES!!! I'm talking real baby back ribs! MEat dripping ff the bones!

Well my name is afroman, And I'm from KAlispell! YEAH YEAH YEAH!!!!! FUCK YOUR MOM!!! FREE MEAT FOR ALL!!!!! FUCK YOUR WOMB!!!! IT SMElls like your papa went a courting and he did ride uhhuhh

My eyes are scary. Really scary. I look italian. I should start telling people I'm italian. That's a spicy fagot! who's a faggot? I'm a fagggot. That's ok 'cause so are you. Triple low g. I live in the bad part of town and all the bugs carry guns. There's a guy outside my house that sleeps in a lil' white van. No one knows who he is. HE just chose our place to park in front of. Joes CAmping. He was so scary the other night when we ghetto tripped on all that dramamine.

Here's a cheap high kids! Buy a bunch of dram and, over the period of an hour or two, take one for every ten pounds of your body weight. If your really fat this won't work. Fight the sleepy feeling!!! The end. You won't get sick. You'll feel retarded the next day. You'll experience a lot of shit that isn't really happening.

I wonder whatever happened to Richard. is he dead? Is he getting buttfucked in prison? And they beat hi teeth in with a crowbar so he could give better head? woder?

Who likes IKE? I do! YEAH! YEAH!

I dont' know what to say.

Bye Journal Junkies! YEAH!!!!

were you here when we had the opium?

2003-07-14T08:43:37Z

"I bought an 8th of that stuff"
"Was it the redrock?"
"No it wasn't the redrock it was good"
"I finished"
"That much should spin us all."
"(pause)You gotta make crank first. It's easy if you have patence If you're a tweaker you'll never finish."
"I find I have a lot of patience when it comes to not blowing shit up. What's amazing to me is that people can make this shit and it's so cheap to make."
"They let you do it in amsterdam, In amsterdam the e's only five bucks a hit."
"They can insure people are well informed be they take it. Did you ever hear of the rave act in california."
"Nope."
"First no free water can be served in the club. It's like a sign of druguse. So more people will die, cause their stupid"
"(hits) Yep:)".

"(hits) Ooo. Duane come hit this."

Gotta go. I have nothing else.

"Did you guys know I'm typing out yur entire conversation?"
"It's good. Did you ever see Bruce almighty....?"

"Anyone fucked up? I am."
"I'm getting there. Let's smoke more."
"Yo B, Skizzle my polliwog muttafucka. Fucked your mom I did! I love this song."

I look good without a shirt

2003-07-14T08:27:29Z

Cool!

It's a really cool picture, does anybody know where it's from?

2003-07-08T06:49:01Z

You represent... loneliness.
Always alone and always sad about it... unlike
angst, you don't have to look for a reason to
be miserable. You want to be in the company of
people but aren't sure how to act when you're
with them. Sometimes you have to make an
effort. You can't always wait for others to
come to you.

What feeling do you represent?
brought to you by Quizilla

Crankity crank crank! crank crank

2003-07-06T01:53:11Z

Put in my two week notice at the orange julius last sunday. Asked 'em today if I could stay till the end of the month. Thursday(?): way to much synthetic heroin, got sick. Swam across a lake. Friday: Slept 13 hours. Did laundry. I want to go see Jessi. Saturday: Crankity crank crank. Need to be active. Much energy at the moment. what time is it? I should go swimming. Wrote a song on the way home from the theater last night. Still working on it. I'll put down the lyrics. I need to be writing down these things I'm working on.

Two weeks ago( or so). My neat lil' song about american consumerism:
The only choice
The choice of the next generation.
Never put your life in the hands of a homosexual man
And we all scream out we need to breathe the comfort of luxury sedans.
Goddamn, Is your rebellion ford tough?
My friends, How can you still believe in punk?
when Tommy Hillfiger has a Line of Leather Bracelets?

And I'm proud to be an american.
One nation under a visa card God.
And I don't mind that middle class is an illusion,
As long as I get to be honest and work hard.
I am christian and stoic and serious!
I am a marketing tool and oblivious.
and I need a line of coke to stand up straight in the morning.

The solution is division be unique like everybody we can all fight the power if you all buy my album.

Misdirection
What the fuck did I say?
Misdirection, listen closely.
Lean into me
and know
I am not what is on
your(e) mind(mine)

Ok, next unfinished thing I started last night. I was feeling lonely, I wanted to express that. I like it:
I close my eyes, self-imposed oblivion
My four walls laugh, they're my friends
Sing a song by someone elses band
God I hope that I can do better than

This is my lesson for today.

Bastard, motherfucking bastard
God I hope to shake my masters
God I hope to find some answers
God I hope that I can do better than

This is my lesson for today.

Come on
Shoot me
Fuck me
and Lose me

Come on
Use me
Help me see that
I'm too moody for myself

This is your lesson today.

Those are my current songs I'm working on. Please, give your opinions.

Bye journal junkies

Oxys took a turn on me

2003-07-03T09:42:43Z

Hearts and thoughts, they fade away.

I've changed by not changing at all.

I'm entering a phase bombarded by indecision, where a man like me can easily let the day slip away.

The fucking singer in Torque decided he wasn't down with me after all. So now Joes not talking to me very much. He's siding with that nickelback motherfucker on having someone else play for them.
(actual conversations)
Duane and Deric (torque singer)
"Your bass playing's just too flashy. It's a distraction from what we're doing on the guitar."
"Umm...So you want me to dumb it down a bit?"
"Yes"
"Go fuck yourself."

Duane and Deanne(Perpetual self made victim girl)
"So I'm leaving my husband."
"Finally, I thought you would have left after he drove over you repeatedly with the car."
"we're getting the divorce papers signed tomorrow, and I've been seeing my ex-boyfriend Tom again."
"The one that held a gun to your head and pushed you out a moving car?"
"Yes."
"Get out of my house."
silence
"Now!"

I've got a splitting headache. It stretches from my ass to my ears. 15 mgs of oxy. Nose burns. Everythings so bright. Everythings so holy...except for me. Everyone's made better by their imperfections...except me. I threw up. I spun. I shook. Vertigo. Lying on bathroom tiles watching the bright and perfect lightbulb. I'm a moth when I vomit. What are you?
I want to take a shower.

Bye Journal Junkies.

The Almighty G-Zoo says "What's up Home shizzles?"

I'm a genie in a bottle, gotta rub me the right way...

2003-06-23T10:32:02Z

So I started playing bass for my friend Joes group Torque. It's kind of a favor to him. The material is ok, but very much reminiscent of nickelback, puddle of mudd, and other bands I wish would contract herpes. But they do this cover of Genie in a Bottle, it's hilarious. Worth the time. I've been in practice most the day. It's stuck in my head.

We're opening a show for Dripping Orifice( local deathmetal group) in two weeks. I'm just now learning the material, and I have to get all 7 songs we're doing ready for the show. I'm writing out the bass parts and trying to offset the predictable guitar work with rather chaotic bass lines. It sounds cool. I can't wait to show it off.

Nothing else right now. I went on a date with this really awesome girl named Jesse. We've been hanging out for a couple o days now. I really like her. I'm trying hard not to fuck it up. It was cool though. I was playing this thing I wrote the other day. Cool little song. Tuned low to high in DADADD, like that Goo goo dolls song "Black Balloon" only much better. Anyways, I'm playing this song, we're drinking everclear and sitting in Joshs guitar room. The lights are out, there's some candles in the middle of the room, and I finish the song , kind of winging most of the lyrics. I look up waiting for a response, and she says it's good, real good. I have my doubts, personally not liking the song anymore, so I play a really pretty rip off of Black balloon, to see if she really thought the other song was good. When I finish that one she tells me, without hesitation, "That really fucking sucked. Don't do that one again." I fell in love. She told me she would always be honest with me, and that is so wonderful. She's so wonderful. Her daughter is so wonderful. Everythings so wonderful. You're mom sucks cock like a crack-ho.

Bye journal junkies.

Tool stuff:

2003-04-16T04:59:03Z

This is necessary.

It was daylight when you woke up in your ditch. You looked up at your sky then. That made blue be your color. You had your knife there with you too. When you stood up there was goo all over your clothes. Your hands were sticky. You wiped them on your grass, so now your color was green. Oh Lord, why did everything always have to keep changing like this. You were already getting nervous again. Your head hurt and it rang when you stood up. Your head was almost empty. It always hurt you when you woke up like this. You crawled up out of your ditch onto your gravel road and began to walk, waiting for the rest of your mind to come back to you. You can see the car parked far down the road and you walked toward it. "If God is our Father," you thought, "then Satan must be our cousin." Why didn't anyone else understand these important things? You got to your car and tried all the doors. They were locked. It was a red car and it was new. There was an expensive leather camera case laying on the seat. Out across your field, you could see two tiny people walking by your woods. You began to walk towards them. Now red was your color and, of course, those little people out there were yours too.

This is the english translation that has been wondered at for too long;

The Eggs/Balls of Satan

Half a cup of powdered sugar
One quarter teaspoon salt
One knifetip Turkish hash
Half a pound butter
One teaspoon vanilla-sugar
Half a pound flour
150 g ground nuts
A little extra powdered sugar
... and no eggs

Place in a bowl
Add butter
Add the ground nuts and
Knead the dough

Form eyeball-size pieces from the dough
Roll in the powdered sugar
and say the Magic Words:
"Sim sala bim bamba sala do saladim"

Place on a greased baking pan and
Bake at 200 degrees for 15 minutes
...AND NO EGGS

Bake at 200 degrees for 15 minutes
...and no eggs.

Timothy Leary:

Think for yourself
Question authority

Throughout human history, as our species has faced the frightening, terrorizing fact that we do not know who we are, or where we are going in this ocean of chaos, it has been the authorities, the political, the religious, the educational authorities who attempted to comfort us by giving us order, rules, regulations, informing, forming in our minds their
view of reality. To think for yourself you must question authority and learn how to put yourself in a state of vulnerable, open-mindedness;
chaotic, confused, vulnerability to inform yourself.

Think for yourself.
Question authority.

Yep.

Ok, an update on me.

2003-04-15T23:17:23Z

What's up...

Still working at Orange julius. I'm a supervisor. I tell people what to do. I hate that.

I'm buying my ps2 this week. I've been wanting it for awhile, but now is the week. Then I'll move on to equipment.

I met an old friend of mine from high school here. Josh. We had a guitar class together. Anyways, I got him to play for my stuff, but I have to help him with his as well. It's an interesting mix. His style is much more grunge, early 90's, and mine is more...whimsi-core. He adds a strange mix to my stuff, but I like it.

I have a bit of a crush on Josh's roommate, and ex, Sharon. But I don't like how attached to Josh she still is. It's sad. They broke up almost a year ago. She's...it's desperation. Like she'll drown here without holding onto him. He's told me he just wants to occasionally get laid. It kind of reminds me of that whole Jon-Val thing.

To think that was only a little more than a year ago. It seems like a lifetime since I was living with Brian. Shoplifting with Jon so we could eat. Getting high. Acting crazy... The next time I'm there I'll be able to drink legally, but... I hope I can recapture that feeling. It was very special to me.

I also have been hanging out with some other old High school friends. Bob and Miranda. I fucking love those guys. They're affianced(sp? It sounded cool in my head...fuck you!).Miranda is a Gemini who has been working at K-mart for a year now. She's spontaneous, enjoyable, and a pleasant conversationalist. Bob is an aquarius who manages a Mcdonalds. A little up-tight sometimes, but a really sweet man. Both of them are ridiculously attractive, and will spawn many beautiful children. Really great folk. Love em a lot. Their fucking moving though. It pisses me off. Josh is fun to play with and get stoned with. But when he's not high he's kind of a manipulative prick. I really liked Bob and Miranda. Felt really connected.

Nighttime in Montana is never very good. So quiet, so very lonely. This state is full of lonely. Everyone deals with it in their own way. I haven't figured out a way to handle being this alone yet. I don't sleep much. I'll stay up late watching TV or reading. I take a shower every couple of hours. Anything to forget how silent my house is. I put up some posters on my walls. That helped some. It gets rid of the overly white blankness.

I feel like two different people. One is my Washington Skimmy. He's funny, creative, says whatever is on his mind, and has no trouble in social situations. However, he's also a leech, a parasite, and can't survive without other people to use as props. Then there's the Montana Duane. He's independent, a hard worker, and completely self-reliant. He also has a hard time trusting people, making friends, and is constantly censoring himself around others. Two very opposite people. I need a middle ground between the Montana and Washington Duane's. I need an Idaho Duane.

Anyways, that's it. That's the story of my life here in the Big Sky state. It sounds weird, but the sky really is much larger here. Less lights, higher elevation, something like that. You get use to it after a while...I guess that's all there is to say about anything. You get use to it after a while. Kind of sums it all up.

Bye Journal Junkies. I'll be on most of the evening if anyone wants to email me.

Cricket typing...

2003-04-14T05:36:48Z

Hello, this is Cricket typing, a friend of jollyfaf. Introductions out of the way, I thought I would experiment with some mindless rambling. Ah, but the Muse's pen has gone dry! So, as such, I won't be able to just listen in on that tiny voice that sometimes tells other people to jump off buildings and listen to polka music. I have always wondered, what would happen if gravity suddenly reversed its polarity and we all fell up, would we die of asphyxiation first or just plain running into other stuff falling up? And after all is said and done . . . wait a minute. Why do people ask about "after all is said and done" anyway? I mean, after all is said and done, you certainly won't be able to discuss it, now will you. Prolly won't be too concerned with it either. I think if time stopped and we all started going backwards, that the hardest thing to adjust to would be spitting out food when we we eat and trying to figure out what the hell people are saying backwards so you can repeat it like last time. I firmly believe that the military and the government and possibly even the mayor of Podunk city are allied with aliens and deformed zombies to overthrow the country of Luxembourg for strategic advantage over all kinds of cheese. Did I mention that I love cheese? If you throw a block of cheese at someone, they say "ouch." It's kind of painful, and it makes you wonder why the hell they threw it at you, to which you realize it's because they think you're their bitch, so smack them upside the head with a morning star or maybe a tire iron and call them dumb so

Not really here...

2003-04-14T05:14:16Z

No time to talk. Will write in acouple of days. Really stoned. Have a crush. Cricket wants to make an entry.